Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
