my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sober January is a disaster.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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