Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
