He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
