it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
