In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
