the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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