did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
