dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
