eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
