i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
