Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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