grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
