Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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