Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
