You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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