I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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