shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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