the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
