Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
