Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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