i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
