Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize