I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
