omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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