I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
