3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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