Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
