about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
