Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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