I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
