I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
