My liver just broke up with me...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
