I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am midnight drunk by noon
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize