The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm like, not good at living.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
