Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
