bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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