im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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