I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize