I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
