I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
