so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
