It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
