Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
