just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
