Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
