Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
