oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
