I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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