how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize