I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
