then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
