You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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