We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
