This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
